Emotional Reflection Theory©

Life is a perfect platform for learning - We can learn from every adversity we face throughout life. But it is not always easy to learn, because learning is about moving out of the comfort zone and this brings out fear and emotions in most people. We are all born as individuals, but human beings are the only mammals born with fear of not being accepted by the community. Therefore most people create a personality through life based on fear instead of courage, making it difficult to step forward as an individual and courageous human being.

The basic idea is that life is a platform for personal development, where our emotions are reflected in everything we do and come to the surface, so we can learn from them. Therefore, we must see relations, work, family and challenges in general, as an opportunity to learn. Sometimes emotions can be overwhelming and difficult to handle and the Emotional Reflection Theory assists with simple tools to implement learning in everyday life. Below there is an introduction to the basic elements of the Emotional Reflection Theory.



Who am I? This is probably one of the most frequently asked questions, to which an unambiguous answer has not yet been found.

There is not one answer, and the chance increases to find answers if focus is on process rather than the end goal. The process of answering the question of 'who am I' lies in experiencing oneself - but it is not easy for several reasons.

In general we live from fear of:
1 - not being good enough
2 - not being accepted
3 - not being part of the community
4 - loosing love

What often happens in this process? We lose ourselves and simply forget who we are. We are born as individuals with our own core, our emotions and our vulnerability. Throughout our upbringing and experiences in life, we build a personality around our individual core trying to fit into the community.

Therefore, the personality must be challenged to get back to the true individual core of being. The answer to: Who am I?



Courage is the key to find the individual core, because it takes courage to stop and notice all layers of inappropriate thoughts, emotions and reaction patterns that have become part of the personality throughout a lifetime.

This model assists in the daily work, and serves as a reminder of the work with challenges and adversity that reflects in business, sport and in life.

It is reminiscent to stop and clean up negative thoughts, emotions and inappropriate reaction patterns. Through a process of considering the acquired personality there is a possibility to get back to the individual core.

For example anger is often used subconsciously, to cover up the true vulnerable emotions in the individual core. The inappropriate reaction pattern, learned over a long period of time, is something that does not change from day to day.

The solution is to find the courage and let go of what is acquired to the personality through life. Decide what is to leave behind and what to bring fort in life. This way, the personality is cleaned up and only that which supports the individual and authentic core is brought into the present.

Create a courageous and authentic core not affected by the opinions and attitudes of others. Then you can look up, believe in yourself, fill up and add meaning to life.



Emotions are a crucial element for us to experience our individual core. The challenge is that many grow up with well-meaning words like "shhh not so angry" or "shhh not so sad". This means that throughout our upbringing we have been subconsciously taught to hide the emotions.

When the personality subconsciously hide the emotions, it is difficult for many adults to feel and act according to the emotions. This needs to change because emotions tell us how we feel, what we need, and when to set boundaries in order to take care of the true vulnerable individual core.

Not setting boundaries is the main reason for stress and dissatisfaction and it needs to be changed. Therefore it is important to understand suppressed emotions and work with the 5 basic emotions: Fear, Anger, Grief, Envy and Love

Why 5 basic emotions?
1 - To simplify the complexity in emotions
2 - Every emotion can be traced back to the 5 basic emotions



Gratitude is crucial when working with courage because it calms the nervous system.

This model shows the important connection between the 4 concepts of courage, trust, gratitude and patience. This means that building courage takes time and therefore requires patience. At the same time, there must be trust both in the learning process and own necessary personal resources. Overall gratitude is crucial for learning to occur because it calms the nervous system, and it creates room to overcome fear and build courage.

Build Courage + Overcome Fear = Experience Individual Authenticity


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